David Carradine. Oh my GOD. Are they kidding? A "kung fu conspiracy"?
For those of you not currently up to date with this monumental tribute to denial, the late actors' family and manager are alleging that his death was not so much a solo-satisfaction session gone horribly (but, lets face it, somewhat predictably - you're 73, mate, your ticker can't have been in awesome shape...) wrong, as a mysterious conspiracy by some shady martial arts fraternity to keep the "Kill Bill" star from blabbing about their spooky kung fu secrets.
I'm not normally a Tele reader, but this gives you some idea.
Really? Really? That's what you're going with?
Look, I know it's kind of embarrassing, and not exactly the lasting image he would have been hoping for, but come on.
I think, and I'm just throwing this out there, that if it had been me (the family, not the one in the closet...), I might just quietly bury the old dig and focus on his achievements, not try and guarantee even more lasting notoriety around the event by pulling a Kel Hutchence. No-one can be buying it, can they? They've even thrown something about Bruce Lee in there too.
Yes. That's right. Bruce Lee. He died in like, 1973, right? Clearly proximate in time. I guess the whole "martial artist" thing is link enough. Oh! AND! Bruce Lee had ALSO auditioned for the role that Carradine would go on to win in "Kung Fu" or whatever the hell it was called. Spooky, huh?
I will evince no surprise to find, in coming days, additions to this tale of self-pleasure and woe - possibly involving Area 51, Roswell, something about Anna-Nicole Smith, the cast of "The Hills", the pod people, reverse vampires and.... wait. What was I talking about?
Never mind.
Anyhoo, if it turns out he WAS in fact the victim of ninja-like nocturnal visitors, determined to give him a last hurrah before offing him to hide their secrets, I can only applaud their imagination.
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